Feeling Stuck? Here's why and how breathwork can help
Let’s talk about being stuck.
When I say stuck, I’m not referring to the times in your day when you feel like you can’t think of a solution to a day-to-day problem, like how you are going to solve a seemingly simple work problem.
I’m talking about tears rolling down your face, feeling like you are going through an existential crisis kind of stuck. You want something in your life to change so badly and you feel like you’ve tried everything and you are getting nowhere - fast. It feels like you are backed into a corner and you can’t possibly think of how your situation will ever change from what it is today. I know I sound like I’m being a little dramatic but that’s what it feels like when you are stuck on a soul level (from personal experience).
This level of stuckness tends to happen in some of the key areas of our lives: how we see and relate to our body, our quest for money, career, freedom and abundance, relationships - romantic or otherwise, and our desire to live a meaningful life or to find our purpose.
Why do we get stuck?
Have you ever heard the old adage (and I’m likely butchering this): You can’t get out of a situation the same way you got into it? Well, that’s what happens when we get stuck. We think our way into the problem and we are trying to (over) think our way out.
Our beliefs
To take a step back, the lens through which we see and operate in this world is made up of a series of beliefs that we hold. We pick up these beliefs from different influences and sources as we maneuver through life. Before we are even teenagers we are ’taught’ or told what to believe as right/wrong, safe/unsafe, and what we should/shouldn’t want, be, do or have. We are taught how to fit in, what to do to be loved, and what makes us ‘good’. This lays the foundation of our internal belief system. Layer on top of that what we learn in school, church, at home, from our leaders, our guardians, our friends, the media, and experiences and relationships and we’ve got the system that has led us through life to where we are today.
I’m simplifying this, but you get the picture.
While some of these beliefs have come in handy, many we outgrow as we become adults. As we expand emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually some of these beliefs don’t make sense anymore. Some beliefs we can shift easily, others are a little stickier and hit us a little closer to our core. These are usually beliefs that we picked up early in life that centre around our allotted place in this life, what we are worthy of being/doing/having, and how and how much love we think we are worthy of. They set the base of how we define our enough-ness.
A growth opportunity
We get stuck because we are expanding.
We, in our hearts, know there is something more, better, or different out there for us but we hold a deep-rooted belief that has told us, probably for the better part of our lives, otherwise.
Being stuck is when we are standing on the edge, or at the border of what we have always known to be true and a new truth that we are ready to grow into. It’s unfamiliar, it is uncomfortable, and it can be scary. This is the point where the majority of people give up. They throw their hands in the air, saying it’s too much, life is easier if I stay the same, or there’s no possible way out of this. But, if you are reading this, I’m guessing you know in your heart there has to be another way and you are willing to seek answers or dig a little deeper.
The truth is, being stuck is a sign that you are ready for growth. It’s an opportunity to question your old, outdated beliefs and to step into something new - a more expanded version of yourself. It is also the point where we feel like something else will make us whole. The resistance is we are learning that we are, in fact, already whole - which goes against said deep-rooted beliefs.
The discomfort arises because our thinking mind, or our ego as I refer to it, DOES NOT like change. It will often do whatever it takes to keep you in a state of sameness. It thrives in the known. So, when you feel stuck, the ego feels threatened and is trying everything in its power to keep you right where you are. It creates resistance and stickiness.
The stickiness will often show up as thoughts, doubts, second-guessing. It might sound a little something like:
“You aren’t _____ enough to do that.”
“You’re going to make a fool of yourself”
“No one will love you if you do that"
“What will your parents think if you do that? It will likely disappoint them”
“What if you fail?
"You probably shouldn’t bother trying."
The ego likes to attack our core beliefs and it goes right for our jugular.
How do we get unstuck?
As we move through life and add tools to our spiritual, intellectual, and emotional toolkits, we pick up new ways to move us out of these stuck situations and into a life truly worth living. The key is, and this is the first thing I tell my coaching clients: you can’t think your way out of being stuck. It will take some sort of DOING on your part and that doing is turning your focus inward, getting curious, and going a little deeper.
My clients will then look to me to provide them the specific answers on what they should do next or how to get unstuck, to which I answer: YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWERS. Frustrating, I know. I remember being in my most STUCKNESS and hearing that and thinking, "NO. If I KNEW the answers I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be suffering."
The thing is, your heart knows. Your heart is ALWAYS guiding you to the most expanded version of yourself. It’s the head, our beliefs, and the spiraling of the ego that gets us in a tizzy and how we wind up STUCK - we essentially think our way into being stuck. What I do, is provide tools to access those answers.
Creating breathing room.
The first thing I tell them to do is BREATHE.
A full, conscious inhale and exhale. Do it now. Inhale // Exhale.
When we are stuck and our ego feels threatened, we often panic. We rarely find solutions from a place of panic. Take. A. Breath. Create breathing room.
Conscious breathing of any sort will put space between you and the panic and will provide an opportunity for your heart (NOT YOUR HEAD) to lead you to what is next, even if what is next is simply another breath.
To go a little deeper, I invite my clients to explore breathwork, a transformational breathing practice that, in my opinion, gives you the direct line to your heart. Let's dive deeper.
What is breathwork?
Breathwork is an active breathing meditation that uses a pranayama-style of breathing to help you get out of your head and into your body. If you are feeling stuck, disconnected, or lacking clarity, this style of breathwork will help you sift through your emotional gunk. It will help you find clarity and certainty through a connection to your heart’s wisdom.
You can read more about breathwork here in a piece I've put together to answer all your breathwork related questions.
So, how does breathwork help you get unstuck?
Breathwork, like other conscious breathing techniques, brings you into the present moment. And, you know what sits right there in the present moment? TRUTH. When we strip everything down to RIGHT NOW, there is no mind spinning. We let go of the worry of the past, or anxiety of the future, or doubts of who you are. The present moment just IS.
Within the first few moments of the practice, the active breathing pattern will require your undivided attention and before you know it, your ego takes a back seat and you can drop fully into your heart. To newcomers, this might sound odd. But there comes a point, a few minutes into the practice, where the breath pattern becomes effortless and the chattering ego quiets down. It’s still there, but it is subdued.
I am a firm believer that everything that we are seeking answers for and seeking truth around sits within our hearts. We are taught to turn to Google and gurus for the answer but often when we create the space and invite the connection or conversation, our heart will show us the way. It is through my own practice of breathwork that I have accessed some of my most profound truths.
Breathwork will push you right up against those old beliefs and stuck energy that needs to move out of the way for you and make room for you to expand. Breathwork is energy work. We are moving stagnant energy and emotional gunk that builds up in our body to allow space of growth and expansion.
Breathwork also creates breathing room, as I mentioned above. It creates space between our desires and our (re)actions for heart-led direction or solutions. I always say you can’t give from an empty cup and breathwork is a way of filling up that cup with potential.
And the most beautiful part of any breathwork practice is the integration. This is when you are fully embodied and I encourage you to ASK for direction and list to your heart speak.
If you are curious are feeling stuck, I encourage you to give breathwork a try. Here are all the ways you can breathe with me. If you want to sample breathwork before diving into a group or 1:1 session I have a free 7-minute session available on my website and have started a live series on my IGTV channel with a new episode dropping every Sunday morning at 9 AM PST.
What next?
The best help I've received on the journey to my purpose (what I'm building with SOULBODY) is when working 1:1 with a coach or mentor. I am excited to announce the launch of a new signature 1:1 program I have created called Path to Purpose.
Path to purpose is a deep-dive into getting radically clear on your purpose and taking actionable steps towards stepping fully into YOUR PURPOSE. With a combination of coaching, deep self-inquiry, and breathwork, you will be on your way from feeling lost to completely LIMITLESS. Space is very limited, join the waitlist today!